My heart knew on 26 November 2018, when I collapsed after holding a presentation in the office in Zurich, Switzerland. Later, I died during an emergency open chest operation in hospital, having suffered an acute ascending aortic dissection near the heart.
Against all odds, I came back and recovered without damage to the brain or other organs.
This sudden incident not only changed me profoundly and deeply but also changed my family and colleagues who had witnessed my collapse. During the first weeks and months of recovery, I was not able to realise any of it yet. The changes happened almost unnoticed at first, inside of me, not only healing the physical body but healing my whole being gradually and continuously by bringing up my old hidden innermost fears, traumas and pain and helping me to gradually let go of them and thus being able to open myself to the knowledge of the heart.
It had been my deep wish for as long as I can remember to really know about human beings, what we are and where we come from, the hidden purpose we all have. The entire human history, not explained in the history books, was what I wanted to explore and become conscious about. I had this insatiable desire to go beyond the average human awareness and tap into the hidden knowledge, lost over the many centuries through manipulation, cruelty and distractions. I am not talking about the generally known evolution theory but the true knowledge about who we are, what we are born to do and why there is so much deep unhappiness and violence all over the world – to me, knowing this and becoming aware of our true selves would be the essence of healing and truly changing human beings’ awareness to make this world a better place for all – I was willing to go beyond our physical bodies and beyond our commonly known 5 senses. I had this inner realisation that humanity must go beyond the physical body and visible matter to find our true selves in order to be able to live meaningful lives without pain but with joy and fulfilment.
However, over the years, having a family, raising children and for the past 8 years working successfully in a management position for an international non-profit organisation, I was losing sight of my longing, was more and more closing it down, putting it aside in order to be able to function just as everybody else around me, working, seeing friends, keeping fit, going to cultural events and traveling on business a lot.
Then, after a marathon travel season, when I had been away on business in different European cities, organising workshops and other events on 7 consecutive weekends within 8 weeks, I came back after the, for then, last flight to Brussels at that time, on a Sunday quite exhausted. But there was to be no rest and I was back in the office extra early on Monday morning to catch up on emails before the weekly report for all colleagues was to start.
It was right after it had been my turn to report on the business trip that I suddenly suffered the acute ascending aortic rupture (dissection) which ended my life as it had been before and set all subsequent actions and events into motion. A long recovery and inner development lay ahead of me and still is.