Starting on a new road
Ever since my incident and near death, after I had recovered enough and gained the strength to reflect and consider my life situation and my future, have I tried to write about the essential message I had received. By writing about it, I wanted to make it clearer and more tangible to myself but also to pass my new realisation on to other people.
I went through a particularly extreme experience – for others, a realisation about their life and a possibly wrong direction, might be showing itself in a different and less drastic way.
I like to share my experience and thus perhaps help others to think about how they live, why and whether they feel completely content.
But how to put into words what has so far been only inside of me, a certain feeling and a knowledge that is unwavering but sometimes difficult to grasp. Also, the intensity of the feeling inside of me can vary – it is sometimes stronger, sometimes weaker and sometimes, I have the feeling, it gets lost altogether.
I have experienced fleeting moments of a different kind of knowledge which brings great security and freedom from my fears, uncertainties and, at times, hopelessness. These brief moments of realisation have lead me to an inner certainty of being protected, guided and provided for. I know that I can trust this feeling at every moment of my life and in that I am absolutely no exception from other people. The difference is only that most people I know are not connected to this inner knowledge and therefore do not have this trust.
I, however, get to feel and experience it at least some of the time. I can relate back to it, even when my old fear seems to creep back in, which it does. Sometimes I let myself get lost in it again, when all the problems I am facing seem to overwhelm me.
I am sure that you can all relate well to the feeling of being unable to think straight because the worries and fears get in the way, the fundamental fear of not having enough or losing material things that are cherished and which seemingly are absolutely needed. And of being alone and unprotected. It is the loss of control over one’s own life circumstances and of being the victim rather than the maker of these.
Therefore, we, in the privileged Western world, strive for worldly goods and money – just to feel some security in these uncertain times and in order to try to counteract an unpredictable future.
In fact, the future is and has always been unforeseeable to most people. But in recent years the uncertainties have increased dramatically. We do not know what financial catastrophes might happen in the business world, what environmental calamities will await us, what new diseases will develop “out of the blue” and spread so fast that no cure can be developed.
We try, therefore, to at least hold on to our known environment, our jobs and social contacts in order to keep some stability.
Stability, yes, but not out of fear
My message today: Some stability in the lives of each of us is needed and helpful but if we are only holding on to our personal situation, job or other circumstance from a place of fear for the future, we can try as much as we like. And we might even want to make ourselves believe that we are in control – we certainly are not.
Years might go by, but eventually, what is not right and not flowing harmoniously in your lives will come up in some way to make you realise that something is amiss. This might show itself in different ways, perhaps by suddenly being made redundant, a break-up in a relationship or an illness. This is what I experienced when I had my acute ascending aortic dissection. I had been feeling healthy, successful, had a secure and fulfilling job and felt fairly happy – but obviously, deep down something was amiss in my life.
My experience was deep, very scary and I almost lost my life. But in my case, I had needed this dramatic circumstance to waken me up and to be willing to change my life direction profoundly.
Obviously, such dramatic measures are not necessary for everyone. Listening to one’s own body, gut feeling, and inner intuition might be sufficient for most people. I know that I had these gentle inner reminders many times but felt, I did not have to listen and did not have to heed their warning signs.
Now, after my experience, I listen more closely in order not to miss any gentle calls from my inner guidance and I trust that I will now be able to follow my life plan.